A taste for silence

15 Feb

To make this short,

There’s an inter-class criminal law debate that’s going to happen on Saturday, and I’m one of my class’ competitors. I don’t expect to fail spectacularly, just fail. I have this thing where I don’t like to talk.

Don’t get me wrong, sometimes I can’t stop talking. I like talking with friends, with close people, about stuff I know about, about people I hate, about food I love, you know the usual. What I don’t like is having to put my thoughts out there to the public, particularly having to do so vocally.

I survived many college classes, not reciting at all.

Obviously though, that’s not gonna serve me well in law, because to be a litigator, you have to speak, and you have to speak well.

So I’m just going to suck all the insecurity and discomfort in, and hope all the connections from my brain to my mouth work on Saturday.

Wish me luck!

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Little things

12 Feb

I’ve realized that law school has really given me more time to think.

It’s partly due to the fact that it’s given me quite a lot to think about, whether its actually about the law or otherwise, but also, it’s also due to the fact that I’ve  gotten more alone time, since entering the law school.

I study alone. I study in my room, alone. When I’m in school, I study with a few friends in the library, but we mostly keep to ourselves, because we have to. When we talk, it’s to ask each other questions, occasionally to rant about how life is treating us, but it never lasts very long. We have too much to memorize, too much to read.

I don’t want to give the impression that I’m a loner though, far from it. I have a good group of friends inside the law school, and I keep my old ones from outside close. I just wanted to make note of the fact that, unlike college, where everything was always noise, activities, fun, drama, whatnot, law school is a bit more…subdued. (This is notwithstanding wild law school parties.)

Anyway, this recent rush of alone time has gotten me to think, and recently, I’ve been thinking about things that make me happy. In particular, small, previously insignificant things. Perhaps these made me happy before law school, but I was just to occupied with more distracting things to see them.

So here, for no good reason at all, are things that make me happy.

  • Cleaning my room. An organized desk makes for a good study session.
  • Colored pens. Blue for important facts. Red for negative statements, Purple for enumerations.
  • Looking at my shoes lined up in a row. (This one is weird, but hey, whatever.)
  • Pulling a dress out of my closet and hanging it in one part of my room, like a decoration.
  • Studying with sunlight.
  • Spaghetti with hotdogs

Life is good, for now.

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Tiwala

29 Jan

Today, I attended AtSCA’s induction mass. They had 18 inductees this year, and that’s a really high number. I’m so glad this year came through for the organization in more ways than one. :) I saw so much love and potential during the mass in the inductees, that I can’t help but be extremely happy for them, despite the things that have happened to me.

This year’s theme was Tiwala. Trust. Particularly, trust in God.

Listening to the people speak, and the homily from Fr. Catalan as well really led me to reflect on the failing Consti grade, and how it affected me. I guess more than sadness what really struck me when I saw that grade was fear. Fear of a lot of things. I was afraid of what others would think of me. I was afraid that this was the end of law school. I was afraid that the hole was too low to get out of. I was afraid that my parents would feel let down. I was afraid that maybe, I hadn’t made the right choice.

I was afraid that this one thing in my life which I actually wanted was being taken away from me.

Overreacting? Maybe. Maybe not.

All I know is that I guess for a split second, I lost faith.

I lost faith in myself, I lost faith in the way I did things, I lost faith in my future and the capacity I had to reach it.

And in some way, all those little things might have been manifestations of losing faith in God, because I had lost faith in the things He had given me.

Today, I was reminded to trust Him, like I always have.

And I do. I don’t ever lose trust in God. I guess sometimes, I just forget that He’s there, and that He has His reasons. I forget, and so I think I am lost.

Today, I remembered again.

I trust in God, and all this will lead to something better, something brighter. He has His plans, and I have to remember that they’re greater than anything I can plan for myself.

So I’ll take it in. One day, I’ll understand. One day, I’ll look back, and I’ll be grateful for what this experience has given me.

For now though, tiwala. :)

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Ouch

28 Jan

I failed my Constitutional Law midterms.

Oh good gosh. I mean, I feel terrible about it. It was a big blow considering that I didn’t exactly feel like I was going to fail the test while taking it. I thought I did okay actually. Of course, now I feel totally different.

Thus the quintessential question for every hapless law student: Is this really for me?

I have visions of my life, like, years from now. I’m a lawyer in those visions. Don’t get me wrong, it’s not like this failure is the final answer to whether or not those dreams will eventually come true. Of course not. Except, it does throw a huge brick right into your face.

Maybe it’s fitting that just a few days ago, one of our teachers said, it doesn’t matter if you lose some battles, as long as you win the war.

Inevitably I’m not going to win every battle in law school. Oh gosh, but why did I have to lose this one right? Haha!

I want to win the war. I also want to come out of it alive and well.

Now where does this failure leave me?

One of my favorite movies is a film called Glory Road. It’s about a predominantly black basketball team at the time when America was still highly racist. One epic speech the coach made back then has always stuck to me.

In it he said, “They’ve been here before. They’re not going to give it to you. If you want it, you’ll have to take it!”

Challenge accepted.

I guess I just have to keep fighting. If I want this, I’ll fight for it. I want this, so I’ll fight for it.

The thing also about failure is you have to be smart in dealing with it. I realize, I’m not gonna improve if I keep doing what’s obviously not working for me. I just might have to reassess the way I study.

I don’t know where to start frankly, but I need to know what I’m doing wrong. I think facing that is the hardest part.

Oh well, them’s the breaks.

(I’m adding the tag failure here, let’s hope I don’t ever have to use it again)

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One long minute

27 Jan

It’s been a while, hasn’t it?

Law school has been keeping me busy, which is why I haven’t had time to write as much. This will be a recurring excuse/reason, so let me just put it out there once and for all. I’ll try not to mention it again. Eventually, I will actually try to write more regularly.

I think it’s healthy.

I turned 21 about ten days ago. I spent it studying crim, and taking my midterms. The Friday immediately following, Mars took me out to Alba’s where we had a really good dinner, partly because of the food, but also because of the conversation. I don’t think I’ve ever told him, but I really like the times we sit, eat,  and then stay and talk. Most of the time, we eat, talk while eating and a bit after, then go to some coffee shop to study. Don’t get me wrong, it’s nice and all, and we have healthy communication in our relationship. It’s just that it’s nice to do nothing, be slow, and enjoy, once in a while.

Oh, he also gave me a watch. It was probably pretty expensive. I’m learning to be less bothered by how much money he spends on me and more appreciative. Haha.

Still, I’m still cheap at heart. Market market is the place to be yo.

More recently, I thought law school would be particularly hellish this week. It was, but I came out better than expected. I actually got most of my work done in time. I’m slowly learning that the trick to law school is always thinking you’re in control, and always feeling bigger than whatever is facing you. Even if you’re really not, at least it’ll help you feel better, and feeling better actually helps you get your work done.

Nothing is as bad as it actually seems. :)

Of course I’m a first year, what do I know right? For now though, it’s working.

I’ll let you know when I’ve found something useful to do with total hopelessness.

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New Year, and this is for keeps.

31 Dec

First of all, let me get this out there that I’ve decided to keep this blog. :) I’ve been test-driving it for a while, I guess, since I still wasn’t sure about leaving my first blog. Anyway, after an initial run, I decided I really like this new space, and it’s time to leave that blog behind. No regrets though, that blog still holds some of the most awesome times in my life, and I’m not about to delete it.

It’s just good to have something new.

Speaking of new, it’ll be 2012 soon! Hurray for the New Year. :) The past year was really a blessing filled one. I think, more than any external or material blessing I got, I have to be most thankful for growth. The growth I had in 2011 made me more self-aware, and helped me be better at relationships too.

I also had to make hard decisions this past year, and from all those hard decisions, I learned one thing. You have to make them. You can’t avoid hard decisions. It’ll be for you own good. After you get through one tough decision, either the next one won’t seem so bad, or it’ll be worse but you’ll be stronger.

So yes, even if there were very hard decisions this year, I am thankful for them.

Anyway, I guess right now, I’m just looking forward to the new year. I’m thankful 2011 was full of love, kindness, goodness, and strength.

For everything that was, thank You, for everything that will be, Yes.

On a side note, I was kind of hoping to spend the actual passing of the new year a little differently, but hey, I’ll get my midnight kiss some other time. :)

Happy New Year everyone. :)

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The Articles of Impeachment

21 Dec

Being a law student in the Philippines has recently become more exciting.

Not too long ago, the House of Representatives, in what can aptly be termed as level 99 Diner Dash speed, impeached the Chief Justice. Allegedly, in a matter of hours, over half of the lower house signed the articles of impeachment against the Chief Justice, effectively transmitting the process to the Senate for the Impeachment Trial. Of course, the Senate is currently on break, but they have taken their oaths, and the trial is set for Jan. 16 of next year. This is the first time in Philippine History that an impeachment trial will be held for a Chief Justice. The closest to this was probably the complaints filed against former Chief Justice Davide back in 2003, however those never reached the Senate.

Now, I must admit, the current Chief Justice is not really the constitutional exemplar that we hope all Supreme Court justices to be. His appointment to the position was questionable, and he’s never decided a case against former president Arroyo or her allies. He’s been at the helm of more than one questionable move by the supreme court (the TRO on the DOJ, and the unconstitutionality of the Truth Commission to name a few). All in all, you can say he’s a pretty non-partisan guy, semantics and theoretics aside.

Still, even given the hypothetical merits of the case against him, you can’t deny that the whole impeachment process raised a few eyebrows.

I’m not even going to start on how it was the allies of the current president who started and mostly signed the articles of impeachment. Party member/ally or not, as congressmen and women, they have the right to file the complaint. Regardless of motives, if they feel that one of the grounds for impeachment has been “achieved” so to speak, they have every right to initiate the process. No questions there. As a congressperson you have the right. The process is in the constitution.

Ah, process. This is where it gets uncomfortable.

When you look at how it happened, you have to admit, it went by pretty fast. Take note, these are the same people who can’t pass the RH bill or the Freedom of Information Bill. Well, not even pass it, they can’t even reject it. They don’t do anything with it, it’s just lying there. Anyway, I digress. My point is, considering that the House of Representatives has a great reputation for being slow, and largely incomplete during their sessions, it’s a wonder that they got something (fairly long) received, read, signed, and passed, in not even a day.

Everything was at the right place, the right time, and of course, the right people were there.

Then again, we go back to the initial argument. They’re congressmen! That’s their job, to be there! So what if they all chose this one day to finally start shaping up, and it just so happened that on that day they all decided to be good, it was the articles of impeachment that was the hot topic. Okay, let’s give them the benefit of that doubt. (Let’s also not get into the rumors of blackmail).

Then we go to the articles of impeachment themselves. Personally, I think that they could catch Corona on just the charge that he didn’t file his statements of assets and liabilities. Maybe also, that other charge involving his wife and her position and promotions during the Arroyo administration.

My problem is with the other articles.

They mostly question the decisions of the Supreme Court. Take note, none of these decisions were penned by Corona. He merely voted on it (like all the other justices). Do I agree with the decisions? Some no, some yes. The point is, hey it’s not my decision to make whether those decisions were right or wrong. It’s also not the Congress’. It’s the Supreme Court’s.

The decisions in question were not Corona’s alone. They were made with other justices. To put them as grounds for impeachment of one person shows two things. One, there is a personal aspect to this impeachment trial (because why not just catch all the justices? To have signed the articles of impeachment, the Congressman was actually saying, yes I agree that all these grounds have some veracity in them…unless of course they didn’t read the articles that well. *ehem* but hey, presumption of regularity) Two, the Congress, or at least the lower house, were effectively arrogating upon themselves the power to decide cases, the power to say hey no, this decision is wrong, and now you have to be held accountable for it.

While it’s heartening to see the Congress so enthusiastic to perform the job, the problem is, it’s not theirs.

Now, before I say anymore, let me just say that I’m not partisan to the Chief Justice. Like others, I have my reservations about him. I actually think that the Supreme Court might be better off with a (without a doubt) legitimately appointed Chief Justice, who’s a bit more neutral than Chief Justice Corona.

But see, it’s not for me to decide. The case is now with the Senate, and we’ll have to see what they think. Because it’s their power to decide impeachment cases.

The articles of impeachment against the Chief Justice are highly problematic. While there are a few that could carry weight and be legitimate grounds for his impeachment (and I do hope the Senate takes these grounds more seriously), the others which pertain to Supreme Court decisions should cause some alarm. By signing those articles, the congressmen agreed with all of them. Why do I say that? Because if they didn’t, they could have chosen not to sign immediately and discussed it on the floor, striking out the grounds that were doubtful and keeping those which made more sense. So by signing, and therefore agreeing, they also agreed that they were in the position to question the decisions of the Supreme Court.

I can see why some people are saying this is an attack on the judiciary. It is. Will the Judiciary fall, crumble, and die, never to be seen again if Corona is impeached? Of course not. It’s just that the precedent this is setting is alarming. The judiciary’s decisions (and not just the individual judge) is being effectively placed under the scrutiny of a supposedly co-equal body. And who’s to say they (the Congress) are the right ones when in the Constitution, no one branch is really above the other? Does it all come down to power, and who can tweak the process enough?

The Senate will be hearing this case in a few weeks. Let’s see what they find out. If Chief Justice Corona does get impeached, I hope it is for the more valid grounds. He should be made accountable, no question about it. However, if he gets impeached on the grounds of court decisions that they (the SC) all made, then that opens the doors for more impeachments, and who knows when the SC will ever be able to decide anything again.

I understand that right now, it might not seem so bad, seeing as how there’s this universal sentiment that Corona, Arroyo, etc. are the bad guys, and the Aquino administration are the good ones. Fine, all well and good. This just brings me to something I learned from our political theory class way back in second year college. We were talking about totalitarianism, and how it’s dangerous to always view it in an absolute way. We suddenly become blind to the less obvious ways it can creep into our systems, until it’s too late.

I’m not siding with Arroyo or Corona. The former, I want in jail, the latter, I’m still waiting to see. But I think we shouldn’t narrow ourselves to thinking there are only two sides in politics, the good and the bad. We shouldn’t be too quick to side with one party just because the other is increasingly undesirable. We don’t have to take the other side either. We can make our own. We can, at least, not choose based on default.

We should be more responsible than that.

 

 

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Merry Christmas darling

21 Dec

Some Christmas get togethers I’d like to talk about.

Dec. 15

My study group and I, after a very strange theology exam, went to Ayala Triangle to eat and watch the dancing lights show. It was a good start of the break, even if technically we still had classes the next day. I’m actually just glad it pushed through. We more often than not plan things that stay just that…plans. Haha.

(me, Paolo, Ea, Ruth, Robee, Chelsea, and Aikka)

As always though we weren’t complete. Haha, no biggy, I’m sure all of us will last in law school, so there’s still a lot of time for these (much needed) get togethers.

Dancing lights in Ayala! The lights show itself wasn’t very long, but it was entertaining. A big plus is that we went there early, and on a weekday, so there weren’t too many people. :)

Dec. 16

After the official last day of class (theirs at least, I still had ObliCon the next day) our block had a party in new Manila at Aimee’s house. :) It was awesome! The food was really good and almost everyone was there, so it was a good night. I got to bond na rin with people I don’t normally get to talk to in class. There was so much alcohol all over that night, and people got thrown into the pool. Good times, good times.

Meet some people from my block! :) The guy to my left is Raymond, and since we live near eachother, he was supposed to drive me home, but then he got thrown into the pool. Haha! I would’ve stayed longer if my mother weren’t already looking for me, so I hitched a ride with another blockmate instead. I’ve got to learn how to drive.

Dec. 19

I made reservations at Sambokojin for the 19th. It’s this place with an all you can eat buffet of Japanese food. Needless to say it was heaven. I ate there with my boyfriend (in the picture) and Jean (who took the picture). We could barely walk afterwards. :))

Oh, but we did walk, and we looked around the bazaar in Eastwood. I’d forgotten what it’s like shopping with Jean. She’s always so helpfully judgmental of my taste. :p  Anyway, it was a fun night, and I fell asleep feeling all that salmon sashimi swimming in my tummy.

Dec. 20-21

Block party! By block I mean my college block. There weren’t a lot of us, only 7 out of the 18 blockmates I have, plus Hansley who came over later, who is sort of an adopted blockmate. Anyway, we had it at Va’s house, which is conveniently on the same street as my house.

It was fun! Va and I made spaghetti, Lexx bought the drinks, and the boys brought sushi and chicken. Anyway, you see the pool right? Let’s just say it was used, but not for swimming. :)) There were also drinking games.

All in all, it was a good night/morning. I fell asleep at around 2am, and woke up at 4am when everyone was getting ready to go home. Mati and I stayed a while with Va. At around 6 I walked home. Tomas Morato’s actually really nice in the early morning, and the walk (which is a long one) wasn’t bad. I wish I had taken a picture of the early morning mist.

Anyway, that’s all for now. :) I’m having a happy Christmas, even if work is…you know, there just waiting to be done. Boo. :)) Still, tis the Season. :)

Falalalalalala.

 

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New Beginnings

20 Dec

Here it is, a new blog.

I don’t have any life-altering reason for making a new blog, at least, at this point in my life. Nothing is, after all, really new in my life. The newest thing would probably be law school, but even that already has some age to it.

I guess it’s simply because I’ve become a different person. I started my old blog when I was in high school, if I’m not mistaken, and it’s served me well through the ups and downs those years of your life are sure to bring. Recently however, I feel less and less coherent in that space. It’s like a soft bed one has grown too comfortable in. Unmade for days. Keeping you from getting up and working and doing things that can simply not be done in a bed.

I’ll still keep that blog around. I love it too much, and in all honesty that’s just too much of the more interesting parts of my life to just lose like that.

I just feel like I need to begin again.

Maybe I’ll find better reasons along the way. Until then, hello new blog. It’s good to be unfamiliar.

 

 

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